Birds of Paradise I

Forgetful Me

I was talking to my best friend this morning about my lack of memory recently. She said that I am menopausing as that is one of the symptoms. I know that this lack of memory thing is not legendary in my family. Come on, I am not even 51 yet – how can that be? I’d like to point a finger at something, but age is definitely not the culprit in this case. Then, I would like to blame it on the fact that I had too many things on my mind. That would be a lie too because my daughter and my life is totally not hectic at all. So what is it?

Because of my forgetfulness yesterday, my best friend is going to give me a ‘sekeh’ on my head the next time she sees me. I babbled to my best friend about everything. I do. It gives me a bit of revengeful satisfaction to tell you a little bit about her. I do think a lot about her personally and how bossy and protective she is. She acknowledges what I say and listens to me. Generally she agrees and laughs to my needs, my weirdness and my complaints.

We always laugh together whenever we talk. She tells me that she enjoys me. I am quite entertaining, you see! We are so attached to each other because we are alike but we are also the opposites of each other. While it is possible for me to forget almost anything, she is capable of remembering just about everything. But yesterday was a disaster. Because of my lack of memory, I have caused my boyfriend a world of grief. I do feel bad about that. He was so sweet and understanding! I knew then that he must really love me. Thank God for true love.

This morning, I am humbled and embarrassed by my perpetual forgetfulness. But, you see, it’s human nature. I know, I am so getting old but I hope I don’t forget lots of important stuff after this. Maybe my brain is trying to digest the important stuff only. What I’m afraid is to forget the most basic things because I had to remember what my brains classified as significant.

Love You Just The Way You Are - Billy Joel

I have always been a person who knows who I am, and I am sure you feel the same way too about yourself. I always say, I should be myself, because everyone else is taken and that if I try to be someone else, it usually doesn’t get me very far.

We all must try to unlearn things about ourselves. In order to do so, we must recognize what we truly feel deep down inside of us and try to accept and be truthful about it. Sometimes during the process we find out that it can be disheartening when we find the truth about ourselves. Our inner compass will never lie. We are all capable of being true to what we believe in. Capable of being a good self because our true nature – we are all born pure, clean and good.

We all know at least one bitter, negative person. My theory is that most bitter people are not being true to themselves. My guess is that somewhere along the way, they took a wrong turn they’ve always regretted, and they take out their disappointment on others. The last thing you want is to be bitter, but the second-last thing you want is regret. No one wants regret - so I say, make active decisions, move forward, show people you care about them.

Showing yourself to me is being risky (this maybe how you are feeling). Don’t be afraid of what is to come because in the long run, only you know you are capable of being a good person. Only you can find the way to pursue the life you’ve always wanted. No one can make that decision for you. Just be yourself, whoever you are today and forever, I will be here to love you for what you are.

In Loving Memory

I met my man seven years ago. He was the only person that understood me and loved me more than ever. I understood him and loved him more than I'll ever be able to express. Norbert died at home as he wished, in my arms. He lasted 3 months in ICU and only one night at home. I guessed he already made his decision to part from us and wanted me to be there at his side, to accommodate his 'comfortable' death. I actually thank God for the experience of having gone through the death process or my best friend and husband for it was profound. Through this experience of having watched my best friend draw his last breaths, I know how precious life really is.

Birds Of Paradise

Enchanted Forest II

Old Soul & A Young Man

Many men would like to have a young woman as their partner. Many women too nowadays feels that they can afford to have a young male partner as more women takes care of their body better than our mothers used to.

As for me - I am an old soul. I don't think I can ever have a young man as my lover or partner as I feel that he will always challenge me through his incapacity to relate to the higher plane of existence that I have reached.

I have a feeling that whatever may encounter between a young man and old me will result in hurt and confusion. I want a soulmate who is one that is as old as I am, because I think a young man will find it hard to live up to my spiritual expectations.

I may feel like I like him a lot, that I may love him, but somehow we are not reaching a common ground between us. This young man still needs to make the same mistakes, before getting to a higher level of spirituality and that is why for an old soul like me, it would be impossible to find a soulmate in a young person.

I am always and still is in search for a soul that is the same age or older than me.

Sorry to disappoint all those out there!