Monday, June 13, 2011
guess it's unrealistic... to think that someone out there would actually wait for you because he said you were special. I was waiting and waiting for him to look into my eyes (for real) so that he will know how much I loved him. He never did. He never wanted to really see me. I wanted him to tell me how amazing I am and that I am everything he ever wanted. I know that no one can ever be truly satisfied or content with everything in life and that goes especially for one's significant other.
I came back from Australia (deep in me, I wanted to finally meet him). I was not disheartened by his refusal to come and see me. I consoled myself by saying maybe it should wait and that the time will come when we will finally see each other. I wanted him to continue to keep our friendship strong, but instead, he felt threatened and kept himself away. I don’t know what he is thinking. I am not asking him to compete with anyone, for my heart only belongs to him.
This is all I know, I would have waited a long time for that close to perfection imagery I've got in my head. This man is everything I ever wanted in someone. And I'm pretty sure he felt the same. But today, was the last draw. I told myself, I will not allow him to make me cry again, ever again and he did today. I am out of here, I am gone. There is nothing much I can do. I love him, but all I see are the mistakes of the past. What can you do to find proof that love legitimately exists between us when we are both so far away? I feel ruined, like I have a withering heart in my chest. I don't even feel like I belong in a relationship, because he a kind of man that belongs with a woman that can understand him. I can’t, I can only inspire…..