Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Many men would like to have a young woman as their partner. Many women too nowadays feels that they can afford to have a young male partner as more women takes care of their body better than our mothers used to.
As for me - I am an old soul. I don't think I can ever have a young man as my lover or partner as I feel that he will always challenge me through his incapacity to relate to the higher plane of existence that I have reached.
I have a feeling that whatever may encounter between a young man and old me will result in hurt and confusion. I want a soulmate who is one that is as old as I am, because I think a young man will find it hard to live up to my spiritual expectations.
I may feel like I like him a lot, that I may love him, but somehow we are not reaching a common ground between us. This young man still needs to make the same mistakes, before getting to a higher level of spirituality and that is why for an old soul like me, it would be impossible to find a soulmate in a young person.
I am always and still is in search for a soul that is the same age or older than me.
Sorry to disappoint all those out there!
Friday, June 17, 2011
I slept with thoughts of you in the strangest way that I have ever felt in my life. Those days I closed my eyes with the confidence that I had you completely, entirely, but now left me with sadness and anxiety. Here I am again, writing something for you, like how I have always been, but this one, today will be different.
I loved you, I think I always will. I made myself miserable because I do not want to let go of that feeling, of that much love I have inside my heart for you. I've gone through a whirlwind of emotional torment, a phase of not knowing what I will be, but wanting only one thing, and it's you.
I wanted you for the rest of my life, and dreamed about doing everything together when we have the chance, but I realized, that we never really want these things.
Now I plan alone. At this very moment I'm setting myself free, to that much love I have from you, to that agony I went through waiting for you, burning that thin strand of hope that I have clinged to the moment you trashed me. This doesn't mean that I will forget you. I'll just stop mentioning your name and everything about you. From this day onwards I will live again. I will do my best to regain the life I have lost with any man who deserves to be loved for the rest of his life.
We have given each other enough time. I have given you all my love, and I'm sure I will love again. And when I love again, I will look back at all of these things and know somehow I do have fond memories of you. There should not be goodbyes for goodbyes mean forever not looking back. I am sure one day we will meet.
I have forgiven you, so you have to forgive me......please...!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
guess it's unrealistic... to think that someone out there would actually wait for you because he said you were special. I was waiting and waiting for him to look into my eyes (for real) so that he will know how much I loved him. He never did. He never wanted to really see me. I wanted him to tell me how amazing I am and that I am everything he ever wanted. I know that no one can ever be truly satisfied or content with everything in life and that goes especially for one's significant other.
I came back from Australia (deep in me, I wanted to finally meet him). I was not disheartened by his refusal to come and see me. I consoled myself by saying maybe it should wait and that the time will come when we will finally see each other. I wanted him to continue to keep our friendship strong, but instead, he felt threatened and kept himself away. I don’t know what he is thinking. I am not asking him to compete with anyone, for my heart only belongs to him.
This is all I know, I would have waited a long time for that close to perfection imagery I've got in my head. This man is everything I ever wanted in someone. And I'm pretty sure he felt the same. But today, was the last draw. I told myself, I will not allow him to make me cry again, ever again and he did today. I am out of here, I am gone. There is nothing much I can do. I love him, but all I see are the mistakes of the past. What can you do to find proof that love legitimately exists between us when we are both so far away? I feel ruined, like I have a withering heart in my chest. I don't even feel like I belong in a relationship, because he a kind of man that belongs with a woman that can understand him. I can’t, I can only inspire…..