Friday, June 17, 2011
I slept with thoughts of you in the strangest way that I have ever felt in my life. Those days I closed my eyes with the confidence that I had you completely, entirely, but now left me with sadness and anxiety. Here I am again, writing something for you, like how I have always been, but this one, today will be different.
I loved you, I think I always will. I made myself miserable because I do not want to let go of that feeling, of that much love I have inside my heart for you. I've gone through a whirlwind of emotional torment, a phase of not knowing what I will be, but wanting only one thing, and it's you.
I wanted you for the rest of my life, and dreamed about doing everything together when we have the chance, but I realized, that we never really want these things.
Now I plan alone. At this very moment I'm setting myself free, to that much love I have from you, to that agony I went through waiting for you, burning that thin strand of hope that I have clinged to the moment you trashed me. This doesn't mean that I will forget you. I'll just stop mentioning your name and everything about you. From this day onwards I will live again. I will do my best to regain the life I have lost with any man who deserves to be loved for the rest of his life.
We have given each other enough time. I have given you all my love, and I'm sure I will love again. And when I love again, I will look back at all of these things and know somehow I do have fond memories of you. There should not be goodbyes for goodbyes mean forever not looking back. I am sure one day we will meet.
I have forgiven you, so you have to forgive me......please...!!!