Happy Mother's Day Letter

I have to let you know....that I have the most beautiful letter from the most wonderful daughter on earth. It brought tears to my eyes..and I want to share her letter with you............

The letter was written in a red paper. I presume it is because she knows my favourite colour is red. On top of the letter there is a sticker picture of her and me which we took in a picture booth when she was 3 years old. A beautiful memory.

The letter was written with a gold ink and it says "Happy Mother's Day! ♥ " at the top. The contents of the letter says "To my number one super mom. I may not be good with words like Adel, I may not know how to express my love for you like Aizad, but no matter how, I will find my way to let you know how much I ♥ you and how grateful I am to have you in my life."

‎"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, AMIRAH!"

‎" ♥ you until the earth's out of water :) ♥ "

I must admit my three children are like me. They express their emotions well. I tried to control my tears and continued reading...... This was written behind the letter. "Dear Mum, we always argue like there's no tomorrow, we fight, we don't talk, we laugh, we make each other happy, cause that's how we are. ♥ But even though you make me feel like I'm the lat person you need, even though you don't share much things with me like you do with Aunty Sayang, I get it."

‎"Cos I know you only share memorable (epic) things with me only :> You are a mother to die for. I will and always have ..... Love you with all my heart! ♥ "

I cried...and I cried..... of course ... I was so touched. She ended the letter with .... "You shall be the queen of the day, and I am here to serve. x "

Then at the bottom of the letter she added a slogan "EVEN WHEN I TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, I STILL COULD SEE YOU SHINE"..... Ahhhh....I am the happiest mother in the world...... truly, a mother cannot ask for more....!!!!

Moments

I love you, my only one. I do not know in my mind why I love you. I do not want to know in my mind. It is sufficient that I love you. It is sufficient that I love you in my soul and in my heart. It is sufficient for me to rest my head on your shoulder when I am sad, lonely and in solitude, or when I am happy, entranced and full of wonder. It is sufficient for me to walk by your side to the top of the mountain and to tell you every now and then "You are my companion, you are my companion".

An advance birthday wish for "A" - 11 May 2011

The Muse

It is a late hour of the night, and we have said very little indeed of what we wish to say. Perhaps it is better to speak in silence until morning. And in the morning, my love one will stand by my side in front of our many works. And after that, when the day and its problems are over, we shall return to sit by the fire and talk.

And now bring your forehead nearer, like this - and may God bless you and may God protect you.

Unfolding

Tomorrow we shall resume our discussion, but not let us go up onto the roof and stand awhile gazing at the stars of the night. Tell me, my loved one, is the night more profound and wonderful than the heart of man? Are the galaxies more awe-inspiring and beautiful than what moves within the heart of man? Is there, in the night and stars, anything more sacred than the white flame flickering in God's hand?

Swastika Sign

I put up the swastika sign as my facebook profile this morning after watching a World War II movie but was asked to take down by two of my European girl friends. I argued to place my standing about not being a Nazi supporter. She asked me why I would want to put a negative energy close to my name. How could I put up that sign when I am helping with the blind, the orphans and the paediatric cancer society? I know about this being illegal in Germany (Austria) but I am Asian and many things are different in culture, customs, traditions, religion and beliefs from western and eastern.

Well, Hitler used the symbol for the Nazi party. Some of the western world knows little of the origins of the Swastika symbol, and automatically connect it to Hitler and his antisemitic views. But little do they know, before he took the symbol, the swastika is a symbol of good fortune in many religions such as hinduism, Buddhism, etc..Because of the wide usage of the symbol by the Nazis, it is seen as being antisemitic. Of course there is nothing wrong with the symbol, and I think I should continue to educate people of it. I don't blame anyone, maybe if Norbert is still alive he would also ask me to take it down.

I just want to say that we should all keep in mind that the symbol might mean something to you, but something totally different to others and we should all respect that. I took the swastika sign down from my Facebook because my friends have asked me to, not because I do not stand for what I believe.

Easter Makeover

Amazing software. You are a master, Al. I must admit, between the two versions of the photo, the one the left is the woman I'd rather get to know. She's attractive in both photos, but the lines on her face tell me something about her. I would gather she likes to laugh, has a sense of humour. I detect a lust (the good kind) and a zeal for life. The pic on the right shows her in a state that's perfected, but also "conformed." On the right, she would seem interesting, but not too much so; funny, but only so much so. But again, I'm only talking about impressions. Al, your work is great. Had I not pointed out it has been retouched, no one would have known.

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I love the idea of untouched pictures, so much more realistic for the rest of us comparing ourselves to models in the magazines. I think I still look beautiful with the few lines and pigmentation marks like every other woman in her 50’s, although esthetically I am a super-looking woman so I have nothing to really hide.

My Husband Died

Have I told you my husband died?

I must have.

I told everyone.

I told them not for attention or the cordial "I'm sorry" that usually follows.

I say it to myself again and again to remind me that he is gone.

I avoid thinking about him.

I also say it so people don't think I’m a divorcee.

I don't know why that bothers me, but it does.

And I am now a widow.

I usually don't give a rat's fat ass what people think about me, except for that.

He died.

He died and left me.

He's gone.

Never coming back.

We wanted to live together for another 20 years.

I didn't think it was possible to think about someone as many times a day as I think of him.

Where do I go from here?

How do I start over?

Star over??? Yes, I have to. I want to.

It's creeping up on the one year mark next month.

A year.

I've been with him since 44.

I had a moment over the weekend where I wanted to text him.

I wanted to talk to him.

I wanted him.

That only lasted a split second then my belly sank.

I cried.

A few days before he died, he called me from his handy.

He said he missed me.

I think I did well.

I think.

But he is engrained in my inner being.

In my soul.

He is a part of me.

He is a part of everything I see.

Without him, there would've never been an 'us.'

It's like his blood flows through me.

It's like he breathes into my lungs.

No one would breathe into his lungs.

I haven't had a dream about him in a long time.

I keep saying 'my husband.'

I don't have a husband.

Should I say, 'My late husband'?

Have I told you my husband died?