Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Am All HIS

Dedicated to the bluest eyes.......

He is my beloved. To my tender and yet strong feminine heart, he is. This is a powerful path. Sometimes, I think as if this is the only path to finding myself utterly exposed and surrendered. Tonight I surrender to my every joy, fear and shame. I cannot do it alone. I, by nature, yearn to reach the Higher Power through communion, through him, with him.

To be able to touch him fully makes me feel like I want to die. Die completely to my story, open to and embrace fully my shadow, both disturbingly dark as well as brightly golden. This is like one of the scariest thing I need to do in this life, and I know he can help me. Is he willing to do the same? Will he become my rock? Own and claim his highest masculine essence and expose his full self to me. I am a strong woman. This is the most priceless gift he can give me, give life. I am just as much under pressure as he is when we finally are there. Please love me, guide me, see me, open me, receive me and compassionately challenge me in all my brilliance and flaws to get that much close to him. The one and only. With him, we can become one.

I can see his strength and courage. I can see that he is guided and lovingly challenged to be his highest self. I admire a man who is willing to put himself through the lion’s den of learning and growing. I love it when he walks so upright and confident. I noticed that in him. He seems to inhabit his body much better than others. He is so handsome and has a strong back. A strong back is, to me, a sign of an open heart.

I love it when he takes care of his body by eating well and working out – whatever is appropriate for him. I love it when he knows and feel his body and that he lets me know that he will know and feel my body. I love it when he looks straight into my eyes, unafraid to look and be seen. I love the little things that he did. I love it when he allows me to get a little glimpse of the sweet crazy ways in which he might be seeing me. I also like it when he asked me what I like.

I love the clarity he brings. He is so aware of whatever there is, confusion, sadness, tension, aggression or simply joy – he is always a step ahead. I love it when he sees chaos and I am no longer worried or am ashamed of. I promise to do the same for him. I love it when he takes a little time to clean up, shave and dresses well. He doesn’t need expensive clothes, but when he takes time to be presentable, it makes me feel like he cares about how he wants to be seen and that I am mindful. I enjoy the way he looks, sexy and gorgeous. Remember, I like the way he smells too. Don’t be shy about looking and smelling hot. Own and adorn his beautiful body with handsome clothes and perfumes and lotions.

I love it when he looks into my eyes when he is with me. I love the sparkle in his naughty eyes. I love it when he can be gentlemanly but also not too prissy or monk-ish when it comes to letting me know what he desires, admires and adores – and what he cannot understand!

I really like when he is present even for the one moment when he is making love to me. When we make love, remember that it is the most vulnerable place I go to. To let him into my body, my heart, my soul, my spirit so intimately. He respects this sacredness and be present there with me. Don’t be afraid of my request. Trust the moment and trust me. I will let him know gently for I promise that I am not criticizing him.

He is strong, sometimes showing up as arrogance. Don’t let it get too much into his head, because he might look as if he is too self-consumed with all the good work that he is doing and sometimes I feel like he is inaccessible and unapproachable. I like to practice some humility.

I beg him, to not ever hide me, lie to me or lie about me. If he is afraid to be seen in public with me, if he is too embarrassed or shy to proudly walk holding my hands and introduce me to his friends, just leave me. Don’t come back. As a woman, I yearn to be seen, not hidden in his own private world. When he hides me from his world which I long to proudly be a part of, he is hurting my self-esteem in a pretty brutal way. It will take a long time before I can feel worthy again. Truly, trust me that I can take care of myself. If he is not just that into me, and if I am not good enough for him, or if there is someone else, just let me know. Don’t worry about hurting me. I usually get over it and get on much quicker and with much joy if there is honesty.

I love it that we are unique being. We each have our own ways of kissing. It is a big thing. I love kissing. I may at times look ready and willing and wild and playful. Yet that does not mean that I am not shy. Please don’t get frustrated with me if I need more time. Please do not take it personally. I am opening up slowly, maybe not as quickly as he might like. Please understand that I may be very self conscious of the extra fold around my waist, the sagging breasts, my crooked nose, the darkness of my skin that sometimes bring up all sorts of cultural anxieties. Be patient with my neuroses. Patiently and softly invite me to love my flesh and my nudity, my blush and my dignity. Unabashedly and unashamedly bring his strong and genuine masculinity to me and to all areas of my life, which also transcending and including his own sensitivity. When he does this, he leaves me crazy hot and bothered. I need not say no more.

Help me bring my femininity and foster structure, direction and focus in my life. It is hard work to always have to radiate divine light. I cannot always do that. Oh how gorgeous he is – gorgeous embodiment of passion and spirit. Thank you for letting me feel his wide open heart that was broken. Just let give my strength and hold him in my arms. I trust the vastness of my being will dance around him like a wild woman and cry like a little girl. I trust the depth of my soul that is willing to challenge lovingly all shallowness. I also trust the depth of his soul is willing to challenge lovingly my shallowness. I trust everything that is in him as I fall on my knees before him. When I see him looking into my eyes, I know that I am profoundly proud to be HIS.

No comments: