To Love What Is

I woke up today feeling melancholy. And when I read your note about those people who come into our lives for a reason, it made me cry. It was as if you answered all my questions that I already knew, yet wanted validation and affirmation.

I remember one day, in the hospital with Norbert, I held him in my arms and lay beside him in bed. When the nurse saw us together, she grew shy and pulled the curtain around us. Do they think we need privacy? Then she said, “In all my years working in hospitals, you are the first couple I’ve ever seen in bed together”.

She was curious about us. She asked how long we’ve been together. I gave her a long answer. Fifty years since we fell in love, forty four years of separation and five years since we got back together. She grew mushy…..

After awhile, she got used to seeing us in bed and stop pulling the curtains. And every day, you keep reminding me of all the good times I had in my life and am ever so grateful that I have lived it the way it was supposed to be lived.

My Home My Sanctuary

My home is my sanctuary a place of peace, happiness, and always full of joy. It may not be the choice of many people’s dream, but it is my dream. My home on the whole is a comfortable and a comforting place to be.

I have rules, not tons of them, but they are mainly common sense. Like no violence allowed, no abuse of others (including animals), or self. If you mess it - you clean it (sit down when you pee) etc…. Basically pretty easy rules to follow. I have a few that are different to what others have, such as you must remove your shoes when you enter my home, it’s done for two reasons; respect and cleanliness.

If you are a child I will treat you no different than my own for the most part, but you will be treated as a child. If you are an adult you will be treated as an adult. Everyone must treat one another with respect no matter what their age.

Manners must be followed at all times. The people that you live with, or share a home with, are in your lives on a daily basis. Why should you treat them worse than you would a stranger you meet on the street? Be a good conversationalist at dinner table and I will be happy.

Malaysians seemed to have forgotten how to behave in other people’s homes. If you like the way my house is decorated, great if you don’t then don’t mention it. It was designed to function for myself and my family. Designed for our comfort and our ease of use. I’ll be as polite to you in your home, I promise.

When did we as a human seem to forget that our homes are meant to be lived in, not merely a place to sleep at night. My place is not a show room that a neighbour has to be jealous of what I own, or trying to make them feel uncomfortable, but just a place to be happy and comfortable. I have been known for my great hospitality and I am enjoying it.

I can't wait to get home.....

I'm Just Not Into Him

Aren't we single ladies always on the quest to find the perfect man? Just last week I was on that quest. After writing for 3 months, then I met him. For the sake of this post, let's call this perfect man Korea.

Korea is smart, nice, good-looking (looks slightly older than his age), atheist (which does not matter to me), and would spoil anyone rotten as a boyfriend. He's not just your average amount of nice; he has mastered chivalry to a T and is so caring that it makes my judgmental soul squirm. I can totally tell many young girls are eyeing him for themselves.

But I'm not. Because as perfect as he is, Korea just doesn't make me want to rip my clothes off. And I don't know why. I just don't have an inkling of a crush on Korean. Despite all his qualities, I don't find him all that attractive. I try to take a step past the superficial and focus my attraction on his kind nature and gifted mind, but it's not working.

We've had lunch dates at my favourite eateries (he even sacrificed meat for one meal to dine with me at my favourite vegetarian restaurant) and spent late nights talking. We even took a trip to the local farmers' market and he paid for my breakfast. Plus, we've also had the usual unexpected run-ins on the street and in each instance the butterflies just aren't fluttering.

I'm just not that into him. Well, that is, when I'm with him, I'm just not that into him. Of course I have a crush on him when he's not around! He is my perfect guy. But something is just not in sync when we're together. The birds don't sing, the sky doesn't shine a special kind of blue, and I'm not hoping that our time together will last forever. What else could I possibly want? Why aren't my hormones having the usual reaction to him?

After 33 Years - We Are 50

Everything associated with the word gold or the number 50 seems to add to its importance. A 50th golden wedding anniversary or the 50th birthday of people, places and things always seems special. Why that is true, I don’t know. However, if it makes people feel good, why not celebrate. Personally, it sounds as if people think their marriage wouldn’t last 50 years or they didn’t expect to live to the age 50. Or could it be the colour gold and the number 50 makes us feel like celebrating.

Nevertheless, I must admit that I think the idea of meeting up with my school friends after 33 years for a reunion to celebrate our 50 years of being the 'golden girls' sound too exciting to let go. To me, a reunion is the celebration of thousands of memories and hundreds of friendships that have withstood the test of time, a renewal of bonds that will be taken to the grave.

During the weekend of 11th December 2010, the St Nicholas Convent, Alor Star class of 1977 - 35 of the golden ladies shared their past and their present of their 33 years of memories together. Even though most of us could not recall the other ladies from the different classes, their faces and their names, most of us knew each other because of the close-knit community in which we grew up. The true and real Muhibbah!!

Ladies from all three main three races (Indian, Chinese and Malay, not forgetting the others) came back to Kedah from across the country and as far as Perth, Australia and Brunei, to renew friendships and trip down memory lane as only those who were there with them could appreciate. I heard the ladies talking about their community, their children and husbands, their churches, old sweethearts, where they have been and what they have done.

Most of all, we talked about the teachers and their dedication to shaping young minds for the struggles and hurdles we would have to overcome not because of the colour of our skin. The first person I saw when I arrived at the hotel was Aik Poe. Immediately, I started to reflect on the good old days when we were all young and carefree — very few responsibilities.

From that point on, it was a trip down memory lane that was fueled by teasing and recollections. I saw ladies that I haven’t seen since leaving for college in 1977. It’s funny that 33 years sound so long ago, yet we all still feel the same deep inside except that we are all grown ups and have become older and wiser. I have lost touch with some of my friends and glad to have found them again - thanks to Facebook. That reunion night, I learned more about my friends life and their involvement. I saw the old photos and try to recognize all of them.

I was honoured to be the game organizer at the reunion. So, what does one talk about on occasion such as a 50th birthday reunion? Oh...you wouldn't want to know - cos we would have talked all night. Even though it was a celebration for the living, we found ourselves slipping into a state of melancholy when we found out about some of our close friends who have passed on through the years. We paid special tribute to the memory of our classmates. This is one of those times when you close your eyes and remember just how precious life is and how short our lives can be here on Earth.

The music was great, the food was delicious, and the renewal of friendships made this a wonderful reunion for everyone. Don't forget the next reunion will be in 2012 in Port Dickson.

See yall.....

Learning What Love Is All About

To Adel, Aizad, Andrea and Maria (the precious people of my heart)

I will still love you even if you are not perfect. I will still love you if you are not the kind of person you wished to be. I will look into your eyes with warmth even if I only see your shadows. I will hold your hand even when I know that there will be times where you will let me down.

I yearn to take care of you as I should and I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades. How can I help you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of my spirit knowing that you have your darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in you?

Sometimes you’d be silent, with many things on your mind and I may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding you. Sometimes you’d get troubled and you’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles you. You wouldn’t be good company then, but you still make me smile.

Sometimes you get moody and you might not enjoy the things I’d like us to do together. Sometimes you’d lose my temper and you’d no longer act like the fine person you usually are. Sometimes you’d get jealous and you might say things you don’t really mean, saying too much that you might drive others away.

Sometimes you’d get touchy and you’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature you try to be, there are times you’d act in childish ways. You’d demand things you shouldn’t, you’d say thing you shouldn’t say. And no matter how much you desire to protect the people you love and make them happy, and not knowing and realizing that you are the one who cause the people you care about the most pain.

Just love each other, for love will not hurt you. I cannot promise that love will not make you cry and sometimes break your heart. But if you will love each other, and bare your whole self naked before the person you love, and reveal to them your soul, things will fall into place automatically. If you will love each other, you can be certain that you have the person you love not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love each other, you can be certain that you will love the depths of the person, all of that is in them, and in turn they will love you with all of what they have, with all of their soul, with all of their mind, with all their spirit, with all of their flaws and beauty, and with all of their very heart.

Don't forget, Mommy loves you!!!

Get A Dog

I am still waiting for the right man. I tell myself that I know it always happen when you least expected, so I am not expecting. Just waiting.

I am also no longer the sociable type. Not the extrovert at least now. No more clubbing and bars and all the usual places people are meant to go courting. I now enjoy staying at home and I hope for a man who is much the same. Although how am I ever going to meet a stay at home type is anybody's guess.

It is difficult cos I am so much after romance. Want someone to hold. Someone I could rely on to always be there for me, to listen when I need someone to talk to.

Perhaps I ought to get a dog.

Mirror Mirror

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

Who's the biggest fool of all?

It must be the girl who can't stop crying,

Or maybe it's the girl who kept on trying.