Friday, April 22, 2011

Be Honest

The question this week was why people cannot be honest with each other. I have been doing the online dating thing for almost six months now. I have found what most people have found : that sometimes you meet someone, and then they suddenly disappear without a word. Or they were chatting and having a good time with you, and suddenly the rhythm change to being less available and giving lots of excuses.

Why? Why can't they just simply tell you that they have lost their interest? Why leave you hanging? They quite simply ignore you and never tell you what happened to change their mind. I want to believe that men have disappeared from my life because they didn't want to face any drama. They thought I might just freak out if they told me they had lost interest. Or maybe they have something up their sleeve by wanting to put me 'on standby' just in case other relationships do not work, then they have me to fall back to.

I just see it as a loss of courtesy in today's world. People just stop talking all the time. Even friends. You'll be texting and they never reply to any of your messages without an explanation. We wouldn't do this if the person were in front of us. But technology has made it easy to communicate. Even easier to ignore people.

I also think that men are COWARDS and don't have any courage. That's it. Plain and simple. I always find courage to tell a man I'm not interested. Though many times I will tell them a white lie so I don't hurt their feelings. It has happened to me before, sure it hurts and it's cowardly, but what can you do? I just chalk it up to that it just wasn't meant to be.

Most of the men think they are saving your feelings by just disappearing and that you should "know". Cowardly, but effectively if you're willing to see the signs. Move on. They are likely not bleeding in that ditch you imagine them in - although you'll want them to be the next time you do see them. Men don't like emotional stuff and in their minds a woman will go into nuclear meltdown and they possibly think they will be stuck with an uncomfortable emotional situation that they can't deal with.

Nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news or provoke what is likely to be a scene or argument (neither of which will make the situation easier), and most people avoid confrontation when they can, so fading away usually seems like a better solution.

It might seem like a better solution as far as avoiding drama goes, but the ones who employ it are not respecting the other person nor are they providing closure as to what happened and why? I know with men sometimes it is just a feeling that they can't explain, as far as why they lose interest. So what would there be to tell if they aren't sure about it themselves. But even so, it is still not fair to leave someone hanging. Saying something is better than saying nothing.

I don't think the men were being cruel intentionally, but actually trying to be kind with a touch of being afraid of hurting my feelings. I think that's why guys make those disappearing acts. Being honest is really hard! Why would someone tell you they aren't interested know it will hurt your feeling? Being truly honest usually carries a high consequences. Rather than deal with a difficult choice it is easier to take the back way out.

My bff said that the actual idea of blatantly telling someone they are not worth the time of a day by wasting their time is such effed up fashion is wrong. If it had happened to me, I would harbour a deep sense of resentment towards the offender.

If a man or a woman are reluctant to tell the other person they they aren't interested in them out of fear of hurting them and/or possible ruining a friend that has already been formed. One that is sincere is their intention would choose to tell them rather deliberate avoidance or ignoring the person. Preferably this occurs before things between the two become complicated and they can remain friends.

Someone who could choose to avoid or ignore me, just proved that he is not worthy for me at all. Disappearing may be the best favour he could ever do for me. I want to tell him how I feel about it so maybe he won't do it again to others. Plus it is good to get it out of my system how I feel. Heck I am learning something in the process. Not communicating just leaves me guessing. If you just want to be a friend, be honest. Don't waste my time and if you treat me badly, you won't have to worry about calling me.

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